Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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