Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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