It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
