I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
