I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
