I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
