She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
