There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
