it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you traded sex for a burrito?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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