her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize