Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
