So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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