I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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