I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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