My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
