I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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