It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
