I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
