Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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