oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
