She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would ride that face into the sunset
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
