omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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