Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When are your genitals available?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
