sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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