His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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