my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
