What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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