just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
