He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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