Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
