they need to just BURY HIM!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
