Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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