I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
