Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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