if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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