Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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