My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
