Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
