I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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