is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
