Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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