1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
