I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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