I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
