next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
