giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
