i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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