in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
