Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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