I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
