I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
