I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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