we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm like, not good at living.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
