Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
