Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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