Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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