I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
