Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
