no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
