My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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