i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm at about main and main street
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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