how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
