1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
