go do what you do best...puke behind churches
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
