don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
