Please, let me fuck your mom
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
