Sry I called you an 8
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
