He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
