just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
