when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
