you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
