yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
