since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
