My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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