I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
